A Better Tomorrow

“You tried everything to help your loved one and you failed”, said a friend of mine who had overcome Substance Use Disorder. Perhaps it was his way of telling me to step back and let my loved one hit rock bottom since that worked for him.

The truth is, my family and I stepped back for over 13 years. We tried Alanon, read the Codependency Book, and sought therapy. We let him hit rock bottom but in our case, things just got much worse.

Like Ali says in the series Euphoria,

“Sometimes Rock Bottom can be a Bottomless Pit.”

Many people whose loved ones are struggling with Substance Use Disorder are hard-working people and yet may feel like they’re failing including me at times.

I want you to know that you’re not a failure and you’re not alone. You’re dealing with a condition that is complex and unique in each person. It requires a strong willingness to want to change and actionable steps to take on the part of the substance user and many are not ready for change. They may have ambivalence in their mind about whether they want to quit misusing drugs. They may believe there is no problem when you clearly see they are being impacted negatively.

How do I respond now to some things I’ve heard other Recovering Individuals, Counselors, Psychologists, Psychiatrists, Families tell me over the years?

“You need to let him Hit Rock Bottom”.

I say, “Everyone’s definition of Rock Bottom is different”.

“He is just using you”.

I say, “He needs me right now for certain areas of his life that he needs support with.

“He needs to go back to jail”.

I say, “He was in jail, but it did not help him. It would have been great if the jail system would be a place where rehabilitation could occur, but this jail currently doesn’t help much with rehabilitation”.

“Why are you helping him”?

I say, “When my cup runneth full, who can I share that with? With people who need my help ❤️”.

I realized however, that helping can come from different places:

• A place of fear or

• A place of True Unconditional Love

I know my help comes from a place of Love when I feel patient, kind, understanding, graceful. Perfect love drives out fear and brings hope.

When my actions come from a place of fear, they can be controlling. I check to make sure that I’m giving from a place of love and abundance and not fear and desperation in order to avoid being controlling.

For me, God gives me the Grace, Peace and Love I need to continue helping. This is a priceless reward.

Having the desire to support someone in getting well while taking care of your own needs is not the same thing as controlling someone.

After multiple attempts at recovery for my loved one did not work, I researched what other countries do and different treatments and saw a new perspective.

I now see that although he may not be ready to completely abstain, there is always hope.

What if the treatment goal at some facilities was not complete abstinence but reduction of harm, reduction of crime, stabilization, a better quality of life and healing of relationships until a person is ready.

I found out that other countries are taking these measures and there are places in the US that follow the same mentality. This is great news that I would loooove to share with you.

These new findings lead me to ask my loved one some open ended questions:

What step are you ready to take?

What medication(s) are you ready to try?

What are your hopes and dreams?

I don’t have all the answers.

We can come together as Health Care Providers and discuss how we can help more people. I know there are so many out there that are doing this already and I commend you for that.

Let’s remove shame and stigma and openly discuss this condition, so we can get many people off the streets and out of jail and help them become productive members of society.

Let’s walk with them one step at a time and bring them hope until they are ready to take the next step.

I encourage those who can help their loved one in a positive way to continue to help them and still take care of themselves.

I will walk with you by showing you the resources I used, sharing my knowledge on drugs and sharing my journey with you.

Let’s all unify and have open discussions to bring matters to light and come up with good solutions to help us all get to a Better Tomorrow.