The Power of Love Can Drive Positive Change

People ask me, how can you have a good relationship with someone who is misusing substances?

Here is what worked for me.

Simply being a friend and not pushing him to do something that he is not ready for. Understanding who he is and the reasons behind his Substance Misuse. Listening to his perspective and what he wants out of his life.

Encouraging him to go to treatments he feels comfortable with instead of forcing him to go to treatment than hearing he left.

In order for me to truly understand my loved one, I put in the time to really get to know him all over again and listened to his story. I am there for him as a support and encouragement until he is ready and willing to change.

I keep in mind that there will always be ambivalence in his brain through the process of change and there will be many ups and downs. I keep an optimistic approach and one where I do not beat myself over the head everytime he goes off course. I just take it as a small step backward while I walk with him until he is ready to take the next step. I stopped taking the things he says personally by recognizing it is mainly driven by drugs. This helps me be able to continue to love and support him, and be hopeful for a better future.

Knowing that I need to take care of myself in this process and where my place is in his life allows me to be able to continue to help him and thrive in my own life.

“There is a fine line between codependency, enabling and non-enabling behavior.”

There is a fine line between codependency, enabling, and non-enabling behavior. One thing I found that really helped me was whenever I was giving from a place of love, hope, abundance and well being, it felt positive but if I was doing it out of fear and control over his life, it was negative both for him and I.

There is a book that is written by Center for Motivation and Change that is a 20 minute read that helped me tremendously. It is free to download on their website and was very helpful in building a good relationship with my loved one.

Another resource that helped me was a movie called the power of the heart.

Understanding that love surpasses time and space and it is the only force that is eternal. I had seen the power of love before but could not put my finger on what it was that was happening until I watched this movie that had a scientific study in it. I could see that love worked in making a lasting change in MLK’s movement as well.

If it worked there, it can apply anywhere including here with Substance misuse which may lead to Substance Use Disorder.

The Power of Love from which a healthy relationship can stem from can be a road that leads to better outcomes and a better quality of life for both parties.

Does all of this mean it’s always wonderful and rosy and there are no disagreements? Absolutely not.

There are many obstacles that can come in the way of creating a good relationship with my loved one.

There are times when the drugs block our conversations. There are times we have to step back and cool down and come back to restart the conversation.

Sometimes I need to set limits and have those difficult talks. The timing of those talks has been a key factor in the outcome of that talk and his road to a stable lifestyle.

There are also obstacles in the current system(s) that help people with Substance Use Disorder.

For instance, it can be very confusing when you are trying to start a relationship to help your loved one and you end up hearing former addicts and professionals in the field of Addiction tell you to step back and to let the person crash instead.

At one point, I felt everyone I would encounter was against me helping him.

I later realized, there were multiple systems going on. There was a huge difference between how systems of treatment work. Some would focus on complete abstinence and letting the person hit rock bottom, while the others would focus on harm reduction, crime reduction, and stabilization. The latter were much more difficult to seek out and find.

I hope that I can bring you some of these resources through my website and videos so you can find them faster and easier.